- Spend quality time with your children every day without any distractions, showing them they are important and teaching them about how to have healthy relationships.
- Ask your children about their day. “What was hard about your day and why? What was great and why? What are you grateful for in your day?”
- Praise your child’s effort when doing things like helping around the house, working on homework, participating in sports, getting along with others—versus praising on the end product. “I like how hard you worked/how you persisted!”
- If your child is resisting, acting out, or engaging in unwanted behaviors, before you react, take several slow, deep breaths to strengthen your ability to stay calm and then ask them what’s upsetting them. This strategy helps you get to the root of the issue and address the real problem so you can determine a real solution for correcting the behavior. “Can you tell me what just happened?” or “Tell me about your day” can open up a productive conversation and can even boost a child’s ability to self-correct.
- Ask your child “What do you need?” to accomplish what you are asking them to do. This question helps them to think about themselves and to understand their needs and personality better.
- Show them that you care about their feelings, their beliefs, their hopes and dreams—their identity. Avoid negative labels and judgments about who they are—for example, it’s okay to be quiet, smart, funny, cautious, timid, sensitive, boisterous, athletic, artistic, or assertive. A child’s personality may be different than you want or had hoped, but that’s ok. It’s good for your children to be true to themselves. See their strengths and their value, and validate them! You’ll boost your success with this if you practice being nonjudgmental and true to your own self, embracing your own quirks, and honoring your own strengths and value to the world. Of course there is always room for improvement, but know that you—and your child—are worthy, just the way you are!
- Teach them empathy and compassion. They will learn by watching you. Teaching them how to be compassionate, kind, and caring when someone is hurting or needy is important in the world today.
If you find any one of these tips difficult to implement and/or the dynamics between you and your child challenging more often than you’d like it to be, then you or your child (or both) might have some unresolved stress or trauma you haven’t worked through yet. Try using The Imagine Project journaling process to help process and heal those issues (its FREE). You can both write your Imagine stories, share them, and grow together—it will be an amazing experience for everyone! Download the journals now—you will love the way it strengthens your relationship and builds resilience as well as emotional wellness.
Thank you and Happy Imagining!
Dianne
The Imagine Project, Inc., a nonprofit organization that helps kids, teens, and adults overcome challenging life circumstances through expressive writing. Dianne is a thought leader in the area of stress and trauma in children. Her simple, yet profound 7-step writing tool, now used by schools across the US and internationally, gives kids and teens the opportunity to rewrite a challenging personal story and Imagine new possibilities in its place.
