“I just want them to succeed.”
“She’s always been self-motivated—we don’t push her.”
“He won’t relax until it’s perfect.”
“She cries when she gets a 92.”
If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone. Many parents feel proud of their child’s drive and high standards—until that same drive starts draining their joy, sleep, and sense of worth. Overachievers often look like the model students—straight A’s, packed schedules, polished projects—but beneath that surface may be a child quietly unraveling. They might smile through the stress or tell you they’re “fine” while staying up past midnight rewriting an assignment that was already good enough. Sometimes, their self-worth is tightly tied to performance, making even a small mistake feel like a personal failure. And while you may not be the one applying the pressure, children can become their own harshest critics. As caregivers, it’s painful to watch them burn out while trying so hard to shine. But there’s hope—because balance doesn’t mean giving up excellence. It means redefining it in a way that includes rest, joy, and self-compassion.
To do that, we have to first recognize the signs of imbalance. A child in the overachiever trap may show constant anxiety, irritability, or obsessive behavior about school. They may sacrifice sleep, play, or even meals in favor of assignments or extracurriculars, believing that rest equals laziness. Some lose interest in things they once enjoyed because they no longer see value in anything that doesn’t come with a grade or gold star. Others may become overly critical of themselves, replaying small mistakes or obsessing over what they could have done better. You might notice them becoming withdrawn, overly sensitive to feedback, or comparing themselves constantly to others. We may praise their work ethic, but if that drive is rooted in fear or shame, it’s not sustainable or healthy. Over time, the constant pressure to perform can lead to exhaustion, low self-worth, and even depression. Our role as adults is to help them separate who they are from what they achieve. Balance isn’t about slacking off—it’s about making space for being human. Our kids need to know that their value doesn’t shrink with a missed goal or imperfect performance.
So, how do we support our kids while helping them avoid the burnout cycle? Start by creating an open dialogue about expectations—both yours and theirs. Ask what they’re feeling, not just how they’re performing. Give them permission to rest without guilt and show them that downtime is part of productivity, not its opposite. Help them recognize when “healthy challenge” turns into “toxic pressure,” and give them tools to pause and reset. Share your own stories of imperfection—failures, missteps, and the lessons you learned—so they don’t grow up thinking perfection is the only path. Teach them to set goals rooted in joy and curiosity, not fear. Remind them, often, that they are more than their report cards, trophies, or talents—that who they are matters more than what they accomplish.
This is exactly where The Imagine Project comes in—and why it’s such a powerful resource for both kids and parents. The Imagine Project offers a simple, free seven-step journaling process that helps children express the pressures, emotions, and stories they’re often afraid to say out loud. These invisible backpacks—of fear, perfectionism, worry—don’t have to be carried alone. Through guided writing, students and families can build emotional awareness and resilience together. It’s not about fixing your child—it’s about helping them unpack what they’ve been holding so tightly. Everything you need—from journals to classroom lessons and parent support—is available at https://theimagineproject.org. If your child is quietly struggling under the weight of overachievement, this is a gentle but powerful way to help them breathe again, feel seen, and remember who they are beyond their success.
Thank you,
Andrea Gibbs
Andrea is a preschool teacher and certified counselor with a passion for child development and creative education. She’s a proud mom to an 8-year-old son and a 6-year-old daughter—her biggest inspirations. Andrea shares parenting tips, seasonal activities, and storytime themes as a blog contributor at Baby Steps Preschool. She also brings her writing expertise into the digital world as the head of content management at SpringHive Web Design Company, where she helps small businesses grow through creative web design and digital marketing.
